Ok, so the other night I thought it would be wise to eat an entire package of dried pineapple at 10 o'clock in the PM right before bed. When I went to sleep I had the following dream: I was watching this really rotund man rolling around on the grass at the park and someone was telling me that he was one of the most intelligent guys in the world, but that he kept all his great ideas inside his belly, hence the gigantorness of his gut. Here is an artist's rendering of said dream:
The guy was painfully bloated. . . . . so much so that I could actually feel the ache in his gut, in my own gut. Then I came to the realization that I was this fat man. . . . that my belly was bloated to the extent of severe pain . . . . and then I woke feeling like I was with child and the baby daddy was a dried pineapple.
Internet: That was the lamest dream ever.
Leslie: Look, I don't make up my own dreams. I simply relay them. Maybe if you'd quit pressuring me to write on this blog, I'd come up with some better stuff.
Internet: I'll decipher that stupid dream for you. You're literally and figuratively FULL of youself. You think you're so smart. . . . like you're belly is full of "good ideas". Where are those good ideas now, Les! HMMMMM? Spit one out.
(Leslie in the fetal position under her desk holding her dried pineapple impregnated stomach, rocking herself and weeping . . . . ever so softly weeping).
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