And a River Runs Through It

While in San Diego over Thanksgiving, my mom found an old flyer that I made when I was about nine. I remember my parents having a talk with me around that age letting me know that when I got older they would send me to college, but after that I was on my own against the cruel elements and mean streets of this godforsaken world. I figured I better get crackin on making some dough ASAP (if not sooner) so I created the following flyer and passed it around to all the mailboxes in our neighborhood.

Interestingly, watering your plants is of the same value to me as babysitting your children. Also, how "Professional" does one need to be in order to pick up your mail and newspaper while you're out of town? Why did I charge separately for these services? Sure I'm "Responsible" but am I "Dependable" ?? Did someone only use a Thesaurus to come up with this, or what? Finally, who advertises childcare with A HUGE HAND? That would be me. Guess how many baby-sitting jobs I got with this fly. (Answer: ZIP). Funnily enough, there was a lot of false advertising going on with my little helping hand. I recall getting the gig of turning the sprinklers on at my next-door neighbor's house while they were on vacation. For some reason I wasn't very dependable that week and kept forgetting to turn them on. Then one night at around 11pm I remembered that I hadn't watered their yard in like 3 days so I went over and turned the sprinklers on only to go to bed and forget that they were on. At 8:00 the next morning when I went outside to catch my carpool I noticed that my neighbor's house was now an island floating in a sea of sprinkler water that had been on for nearly 9 hours. Now THAT'S a responsible helping hand if ever there was one. And did I tell my neighbors of my faux pas? Nah. . . . I let their water bill do the talkin on that one.